AP Photo
Britney Spears gave a laughably bad performance of a laughably bad song on the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards last Sunday and our great nation reacted as if it was surprised by the whole thing.
After almost a decade of dominating popular music with her brand of over-processed bubble gum crap, American viewers awoke as if from some dream state to find that their former Jailbait Princess was a bad lip-syncer and below average dancer. They rushed to their computers to joyfully confirm that, yes, they had noticed it too, and wasn't she AWFUL??? OMG ROFL!!! Did you SEE her? She looked so FAT!!!
Indeed, this seems to be the most common review of the performance in the anonymously vicious land of Cyberspace: She looked fat up there. And it wasn't just on random blog and message board postings. CNN.com bemoaned "The paunch in place of Spears' once-taut belly. " The New York Post featured a headline reading "Lard and Clear."
Granted, she brought this upon herself by showing so much skin... Perhaps she would have been better off bringing back the "Oops I Did It Again" outfit (though I'm probably giving her too much credit in suggesting she had anything whatsoever to do with the planning of this performance). Still, it's a little sad that we have gotten to the point where someone with Britney Spears' lack of talent and intellect can pretend to perform a horrible, horrible song on national television and the prevailing issues are her tummy and her cellulite.
See, we'll tolerate her lazy corporate cookie-cutter pop songs and her walking around a stage with a boa constrictor lip-syncing "I'm a Slave 4 U" as long as she is hot. But if she ever has a few babies and doesn't shed her mommy weight, we're done....
...well, done with her music anyway. We still want to see pictures of her drunkenly parading around Beverly Hills. It's amusing, and more importantly, it fills a small void in our increasingly empty lives. We hate ourselves, but at least we're not a TRAINWRECK like that girl! And did you hear Paris Hilton wants to have a baby???
Thankfully this likely marks the end of Spears' career as a recording artist. But we haven't seen the last of her, thanks to our obsession with celebrity and decadence. Her career has been one long drawn out strip show, interrupted briefly by K-Fed and a couple of babies, and it will likely come to its logical conclusion when she accepts a large sum of money to appear completely naked in a men's magazine which will be gobbled up by a thousand idiots so they can pleasure themselves to CG images that look nothing like the actual Britney Spears.
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